Debby Allen

Lessons From Caregiving: Debby’s Story

Debby’s and Steve’s kids were young when Steve learned he had advanced melanoma, an aggressive form of skin cancer. Debby recalls the difficulty of balancing caregiving with being a mom.

“We had to travel five-and-a-half hours away to get my husband the treatment he needed,” she says. “That meant we had to leave at 3 in the morning for treatment sometimes. We needed someone to make sure our kids got on the bus.”

Debby’s experience inspired her to help raise money for the Dearborn Cancer Center at St. Elizabeth Healthcare in Southeastern Indiana.

“I wanted to help people stay close to home, surrounded by their support systems, and able to keep their lives and their kids’ lives moving as normally as possible,” she says.

Learning and Growing

As a chaplain herself, Debby quickly learned she wasn’t immune from the intense emotions that come with cancer, or the doubts it can create in you.

Spurred by her new role as a caregiver, Debby learned to lean into the support she was used to recommending to others, such as sitting down with someone to talk through what she was feeling.

Debby says one positive outcome of Steve’s cancer experience was learning to stay present.

“Cancer has this way of freeing you from what’s unimportant and helping you begin the process of focusing on what’s truly important,” she says. “Every day, part of our prayers was to focus on the good things in our lives and what we were grateful for — because that meant we weren’t focusing on the negative.”

Some other lessons Debby learned from her caregiving experience include:

• You’re stronger than you think.

“I didn’t feel strong when I was in the middle of difficult times,” Debby says. “It was mostly in looking back that I realized I was stronger than I thought. When you have a purpose, a why — even if it’s a purpose you didn’t necessarily ask for — it keeps you getting out of bed in the morning, putting both feet on the floor and taking each day as it comes.”

• You don’t have to have all the answers.

“As a chaplain, it was a bit of a learning experience for me, but Steve’s experience helped me realize that not having all the answers is OK,” Debby says. “It taught me to be more aware of what others might need and the power of presence in someone’s life.”

• It’s OK to ask for help.

“I can’t tell you the number of people who offered support to us,” Debby says. “Whether it’s coming over to mow the lawn when you’re too tired to do it yourself or providing meals. It was invaluable with our children.”

• Choose hope.

“One of my important lessons was that we can’t control everything about our situations, but we can control where we’re going to place our hope,” Debby says.

St. Elizabeth Helps Patients and Caregivers Feel Supported, Seen and Heard

St. Elizabeth supports patients and their families through every step of treatment — heart, mind, body and soul. With convenient locations in Northern Kentucky and Southeast Indiana, we offer compassionate Cancer Care close to home.

Get caregiver resources. Or request an appointment. You can also call (859) 301-4000 to learn more.